I drove up to the mountains alone after I received my diagnosis.

I had known for a few days that I had cancer, but this was the day I first heard my full diagnosis. I had been waiting on results from my PET scan, the one that checks your entire body to see if the cancer had spread.

I pray you never have to wait on results like that.

I hadn’t hardly been able to think about anything else. Had the cancer spread? I had processed having cancer the best I could up to that point, but what did it mean for me if it had spread to other parts of my body?

My family all got on FaceTime together before I met with my three doctors virtually who would be giving me the final diagnosis and subsequent treatment plan. It was the best we could do at being together at that point, being in different states during a pandemic. I tried my best to put on a brave face, but during the quiet down time while we waited, I left my phone on the dining room table by my computer and let the tears pile up as I went and grabbed coffee from the kitchen.

My oncology doctor came on. “The PET scan was clear.” All I felt was release. “That could have been the difference between life and death,” she said.

I drove to the mountains after. I just needed to… be. Be alone. Be still. Be quiet. Just be.

I came to the end of this road. Part of me got there on accident, and part of me knows that this little space was made just for me and that moment. I just sat in my truck and looked at those mountains ahead. I was upset with God for allowing this into my life, and yet I knew that He had been equipping me to face it my entire life.

You see, I’ve been walking with God for a while now. This ain’t the first path we’ve been on together. Sometimes I don’t like the road he takes me down, but he never asks me to walk it alone. And because of that, I found rest right here on this dead end road. This dead end road that bumps up to a God sized mountain. All I can think is that he must really want me to see the view from the top.

Our God is good. Believe in the adventure he is taking you on, even if it’s uncomfortable sometimes. The mountains might be God sized, but I promise you so are the views.