I try hard to always be positive. I’ve never found it very useful to stay in a place of negativity. But sometimes I do it so well that I think I just fool myself into believing I’m stronger than I actually am. And that’s why I am forever grateful for my sister. She allows me to not be okay.

When cancer hit my life this year, I tried my very hardest to stay positive and look for the good. Even at the beginning when it felt like my life was spinning out of control, I tried to smile and send “thumbs up” pictures through the countless doctor appointments forced onto my to-do list.

But as I talked to Britt on the phone early on, she met me with the sweetest gift, saying, “It’s okay to not be okay.”

I needed that. I needed that permission to not be strong for a while. I needed to be able to cry. I needed to be able to say, “This sucks, and I’m mad about it.”

She asked me, “Kaci, do you want me to come and help you when you have your surgery?” Part of me didn’t want to burden her with that, especially taking her away from her special little family with three little kiddos. “If you say ‘yes,’ I’ll be there in a heartbeat,” she said. “If you tell me ‘no’ though, I’ll still come.”

I needed that, too. I needed permission to accept help without having to ask for it.

Someone who shows up in the middle of the mess and wears your burdens like their own has Hero status in my book.

I love you, Britt, and I am more than thankful to have you on my team. I hope you have the BEST BIRTHDAY and feel so loved

Maybe you can even celebrate with Indian food in bed. I heard it’s great